I arrived here in Donegal yesterday afternoon, and I must say it’s a little strange to be ‘back’. As I was driving here it was like I was on auto pilot, I didn’t have to check the road signs to make sure I was going the right way, nor did I even really wonder how long it would take me. I knew every curve in the road, and even some of the potholes are still there too.
I’m not really sure what I expected to feel when I got here, but I was certainly surprised as I entered into Buncrana and drove the last few miles to the cottage.
Until now Donegal has always been a place I have been eager to get to – from a tiny little infant I have come here for Christmas, summer, autumn holidays (and everything else in between). Then when I moved here it became home very quickly – even though I always knew in the back of my head it was just a temporary home until I figured out how to get back onto the path life had in store for me.
So, why different now? Well, I guess all along I’ve been planning this trip as a ‘work’ trip – to get a job done. I’ve always known I would have to come back and get my stuff together, sorted and packed, and that day came, but I think in the back of my head I still expected to feel some sense of excitement or ‘at home(ness)’. But no. I think that will come when I hit London next week.
I am enjoying the beautiful countryside that surrounds me, and I loved going down to the beach and the gravesides yesterday, and hey, it’s not even all that cold – it is wet though!
Anyway, as I’ve been packing up stuff and trying to be really brutal about not keeping stuff I really don’t need it’s hard. I’m a sentimental old fool (aka rat pack). I keep stuff, stupid stuff – anything wrapped up with sentiment and I have a hard time throwing it away. But this time I’m really trying to be good – to get rid and have a good clear out.
Tonight I was going through all the CD boxes and putting the CD’s onto spindles – I came across 3 that were made for me by an old friend. I don’t know why but I had to play them just to see what was on there. The first was a birthday DVD that the said friend had made for me back several years ago (probably 1997), after 10 years of being best friends. Watching the video made me kind of sad since she and I aren’t in touch anymore; we’re not friends anymore (her choice – long story). Over the course of those 10 years we went through so much together and I really honestly thought we would be friends til we were old (and grey, although that happened years ago for me). I had imagined going through many more major life events together. Alas, it wasn’t to be. I guess she’s still clinging to bitterness and resentment. Maybe one day she will realize that life is too short for all this carry on, that we should treasure loved ones and let go of the past.
Well – on that sad note (sorry) I’m going to try and get some sleep. The jet lag is crazy this time and I could hardly sleep last night, and then when I did finally sleep I didn’t wake for the alarm. It’s 1.20am and I’m still not feeling tired… ugh. Usually I’m ready for bed around 9.30 -10pm back home! Hahah – YES, I’m old!
Oh, and incase you’re wondering – there are two (valid) reasons why I am still claiming it’s the 29th today. The first being that I only have til Tuesday morning to get my stuff done here, so if it’s Friday already then I’ll start panicking…. (yikes). The second (valid) reason is that on the 30th (TOMORROW) it will be just two weeks until my birthday. Actually, our birthday, since Cory and I share our birthday…. But it’s only two weeks until my 30th birthday. I’m dreading it. It’s terrible. I’m trying to not think about it but it’s impossible… I’m getting old. I’ll no longer be a twenty-something. I’ll be in my thirties… can anyone say “mid-life” crisis?!?!
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